OUCH hip to be tested

Floyd Landis is returning to mainstream racing in the Tour of California. The Mennonite is low key in his approach, preferring to say that his return is not a comeback.

Something has been forgotten in his return. The man has had a hip replacement.

After breaking the neck of his femur and having necrosis (blood not circulating in bone) he needed to have an operation usually given to osteoporosis stricken grannies.

Just before his fall from grace at the 2006 Tour he gave a press conference to proclaim his attempt to return to top rung cycling after the hip injury. This became a medical marvel akin to cancer comebacks and shooting accidents (see Greg LeMond).

Now that the media limelight has been removed from “Flandis” this story may not get the attention it deserves. Feel good stories are a rarity. When they come along they should be milked.

His own marketing persona has also undergone a huge arc: from a jocular, intelligent, Mennonite’s son, overcoming a hip replacement; to a man with dubious morals, suspect friendships and slanty-eyed.

He did do this to himself.

Tour de France Tip of the Day: Chasing Hurricanes

It is possible to get to watch the start – or up to 30km’s away – of a stage and then make your way to the finish. This can be accomplished if a few basic steps are followed:

1. It must be a flat or transitional stage
2. The stage should at least 180km’s long, or more than 4 hours
3. Park you camper van or car off the route in a slipway before the stage begins, for a quick getaway
4. Pre-plan you route to the finish – giving a wide berth to the official parcours

This is as exciting as it gets. It feels like hurricane chasing, or like you are on “The Amazing Race.”

Nothing will go as planned. Traffic circles, road works and over-zealous Gendarmes will try flummoxing your every move through French countryside and villages. But determination will get you to the finish.

Quick pit-stops for food and libations will get the heart racing. Prepare yourself for explosive arguments between the driver and navigator. These rankles will be forgotten when you dart to the finish line and see Thor and Tom battle for Tour glory.

Be warned – this is only to be undertaken if you have had a medical and cleared by your doctor.

Tour de France Tip of the Day: Small towns show off more

If the stage ends in a small town that’s easily accessible – then make sure you go.

Following the Tour is about choices. Choices are cut down because of Gendarmes sealing access roads and the parcours being closed. These choices are made easier in the non-mountain stages because the town will generally have many routes to the town centre.

Small towns also show off more. All work comes to a halt – and a fête and street carnival are the result.

There are beer tents, bric-a-brac stores, French fries, souvenir shops, bands playing and everything you would expect at a festival.

The village puts on its best face. Make sure you get there to enjoy it.

Racing in the quiet

Stuart O’Grady commented on the quiet at the Beijing Olympic road race.

"It was like silent murder," he said.

Overzealous Chinese officials disallowed fans and family to get onto the course. Only lonely communist sentinels in yellow capes and faces draped the circuit.

It was called a ghost course.

This reminded me of the beginning of the season at the Tour of Qatar - except the only sign of supporters are bemused Arabs watching at a roundabout. At the finish area a desert tent full of the Emirs concubines and eunuchs seem to outnumber the timekeepers. Contrast this with the Tour Down Under about to kick off. Huge crowds are expected and excitement is at fever pitch.

The only silence will be momentary surprise when Lance Armstrong takes a stage win – and then it won’t be for long.

Perms are back

We have to be thankful that cyclist’s are obliged to wear helmets in road races. This is not necessarily for the safety factor – rather, it is to hide some unsightly hairdos.

The perm is back!

Franco Pellizotti has always had frizzy hair, so his hair cannot technically be called a perm, but recently there have been pictures of Mark Cavendish and 2008 Tour winner – Carlos Sastre adorning what look to be perms.

The Spaniard has recently left the confinement of self-professed mind-guru Bjarne Riis and settled for Cervélo TestTeam. And this is how he pays his fans back; with a hairstyle that can be best described as a vaudevillian perm.

The Cav has also allowed his curls to be styled in a somewhat perm fashion. It has made me run back in fear to the cycling archives and dig out the king of perms – Eric Vanderaerden.

His perm sits high above all the others. It is the quintessential perm - the one that all others copy. Unfortunately, Sastre and Co. look like they have done just that.

Find Carlos Sastre's perm at http://www.cervelo.com/riders.aspx#1

Tour de France Tip of the Day: Buy L’Equipe Newspaper

My French is limited to words like maillot jaune, etape, grand départ, dopage and grimpeur. With this limited vocabulary it is surprising that I can travel around France, even with incessant pointing, gesticulating and playing charades (is that a French word?).

In fact, this is the beauty of travelling. Being outside one’s comfort zone and extending your boundaries. And this is why I recommend that you buy the L’Equipe newspaper - for an adventure.

There are loads of pictures, the results section is perfectly legible and some of the graphics and charts are mind-boggling and totally unique. I have kept loads of these newspapers as Tour paraphernalia.

In 60 years time I hope my grand-son (or grand-daughter) dusts my Tour trinkets box open – and reveals my L’Equipe treasure trove, much like the character in “Amelie of Montemartre” does in the telephone booth.

Baden Cooke's Transfer Roulette

One of the unluckiest cyclist's must be Baden Cooke. He spent a year in the Unibet.com squad with all its gambling problems. Then he did a short stint with the on-again off-again Barloworld - and he left the Tour after an injury.

Now he has been shafted by Rock Racing and has moved to little known Italian squad Vacansoleil.

I have warned previously about Rolling Rocks tagline - "Here to stay".

If he was vegetarian, he probably would have signed up for the ephemeral Linda McCartney team.